4 Ways to Be More Present
Is your mind full, or are you mindful right now?
In today’s technology driven, social networking, mobile world, I notice more and more neglected relationships, while we say social networking is bringing us closer together. You can literally walk into any restaurant and notice instead of couple’s talking or families sharing their activities of the day, everyone’s nose is buried in some form of electronic media. The kid’s have iPad’s, the adults have their phones glued to their hands and no one is present in the conversation. Even at the playground, while pushing the swing, mom has a phone in her hand and is texting while totally avoiding connecting in a conversation or enjoying the pleasure of creating happiness with her children. Distracted driving is evident in the totally preventable crashes happening hourly from cell phone use while driving. I’m not saying that social media or cell phones are a bad thing because mine is glued to my hand too. But, there is a time for everything. Here are 4 ways you can be more present in your daily life.
1. Stop and Listen:
I recently witnessed a child trying to tell a parent over and over what they did at school that day, only to land on deaf ears. She eventually gave up on her excitement because mom never even acknowledged she was there and never looked up from her phone. If we don’t listen to them now, will they communicate with us when they really need to? When they are teenagers and we really need to know what is going on in their lives, will they talk to us if they’ve been neglected for a decade? Moments with your children are fleeting. My daughter wants to show me her drawing from school as soon as she gets home and if I’m not available that excitement will pass, she or I will forget and the 30 seconds it could’ve taken to give undecided attention is gone, never to return.
According to a UK Daily Mail article, “A new campaign video has revealed what children really think of their parents addiction to their electronic devices. Contrary to popular belief the so-called Internet generation are not impressed with the excessive use of gadgets and most admit it actually makes them feel ignored. The two minute video features a selection of seven to 11-year-old children as they are asked how they feel about their mothers and fathers’ obsession with technology.”
2. Make Eye Contact:
As much as I remind my children to say please and thank you, I also ask my children to look me in the eyes when they are talking to me. I also practice what I preach. When they ask me a question, I stop what I’m doing if I can, look them in the eye and listen intently. If I’m in the middle of cooking or something that is urgent like getting out the door to school or trying to be on time for an after school activity, I ask them to hold that thought, “let’s get in the car and continue the conversation” so I can focus on what they are saying. “Now, what did you want to ask me or I’m listening, can we talk now about your day?” When children feel heard and get one on one attention they are far less likely to act out.
3. Only Food at the Table:
I have noticed more and more couples who look like they are on a date at dinner but aren’t talking at all. Instead both are staring at screens for extended periods of time. Never even looking up to engage. At mealtime, phones, electronics, books and toys are not allowed. This is dedicated time each day to reflect on what we are grateful for, learn about what each other did that day, and give much needed attention to anyone who needs it at the table. These fully awake and non distracted conversations are actually the joy of my day. Sweet times and memories you are creating where you giggle, smile a lot and bond with whomever you are with. Some of the most memorable conversations I’ve had with my family have been at the dinner table.
4. Wherever you are, be present:
I will never forget a friend of mine telling the story of how her young son caught her crying after her husband left her for another woman. 
He asked why she was crying and she told him that his dad wasn’t coming back. The young child responded, “it’s ok mom, he was never here when he was here.” 🙁 How profound and sad for a father to not be able to turn the football off for even second to listen to his son or throw a baseball with him. To this day, the father and son have no relationship.
Jim Elliot said “Wherever you are, be all there.” Whether you are at work in a meeting, standing at the bus stop with your child, or listening to a friend, be present and fully engaged for the conversation at hand. You will have more real relationships, a deeper connection and greater understanding of the real needs of others when you stop for a second and pay attention. Life is short and relationships are the only thing you can take with you. It’s not just children that need to feel important, loved and heard, but we all do. As I get older, I have come to the realization that the greatest joy in life is being the reason for someone else’s happiness. Giving someone focused alert attention is a powerful gift. Be here when you are here.
