A Return to Happy – Creating Clarity out of Chaos
Don’t you hate it when you feel like crap? Just freaking down in the dumpster, dumps. WTH? Where is my happy?
This is not my norm. I am perpetually positive like a proton. Well, most of the time.
So what gives? Am I depressed? Are my hormones out of whack? My B vitamins in the toilet? Is this what happens when you are over 40? Stressed out? Overworked? Emotional?
Oh wait, I just went through the most traumatic brush against death I’ve ever experienced.
I lost my mom. I was with her after she died. It was incredibly hard. There is not a day that goes by, that I don’t think of her. I suffered, but I didn’t lose myself or her. We are just in different places right now.
I dream of my mom often. I am aware in these lucid dreams, that she isn’t supposed to be alive, so I am mourning in them. However, in the latest dream, my mom had come back from death and was alive again. Her skin was so luminescent and beautiful, that it was shimmering. She talked to me and I could hear her voice. It was so healing. What a beautiful image I carry with me now, instead of a dead and lifeless body. I know my mom is watching me and looking forward to see how I thrive, right after a really difficult and painful, yet growth-filled summer.
Pain is a teacher, it is a necessary negative, but its not where the story ends. It gives you something you needed to learn and experience, in order for your spirit to evolve. You will grow out of it, if you choose to grow.
Through the fog of worry, disappointment and anger, there is always a thin ray of light. Even though I can’t see it, I know it’s there. I know the most direct route back to indescribable joy, is to do whatever you know will break open that light and let it pour in.
Whatever makes you feel happy is the key.
For me, it is many things:
-I need balance, but I also need chaos.
-I crave quiet, but I miss the noise of children talking and laughing.
-I want to create order, but I love to make a mess being creative – in the kitchen, writing or through art.
-Taking care of this body that houses my spirit, lifts the fog and dissipates the dull sensation of unhappiness. The routine of yoga, exercise and running outside, fill my body with energy and allow peace to saturate my mind.
The most amazing paradox of life, is that energy must be moving towards, and through something. It cannot be still.
The atoms in your body never stop moving. We are programmed to be continuously thinking, in order to avoid and remember danger. It is your mind that needs quiet. This is the balance needed, between your body and mind, in order to thrive.
Energy and calm.
As much as I need movement, I also need stillness, meditation and prayer to process and align my body, with my spirit. When my body is standing still, so is my mind, so you will always be in a peak state or flow, when you are surging with the energy of idea, creation, and completion.
The goal of life itself, is to experience. To experience all of it. The good, the bad and even the traumatic. There is always a calm after the storm.
I have spent the past week cleaning, clearing, detoxing, organizing and creating space because it made me happy.
Space for creativity. Space for abundance. Space for happiness. Space for healing.
Exercise and eating healthy was the first step. Changing my mindset was next. Reaching for the feeling of happiness, is how I made the shift. I knew that going through every drawer in my office, opening the boxes from mother-in-law’s move, getting rid of things I don’t need, would clear the stagnant and suffocating, sadness – of loss.
Removing stale energy, would lift the heaviness and fog, I was experiencing. This focus on clearing, gave my mind energy and ideas, so a surge of creativity blossomed.
I moved furniture around, I redecorated with things my mom cherished and heirlooms from the boxes I opened – from the great move this summer. As I sit and write in my office, the air is so light, so clear and so inviting. Out with the old, in with the new.
My happiness has returned, because I chose it.
I looked around at what I could put my attention to, that would bring me joy. I focused on the feeling, I wanted to feel.
Oddly, cleaning is not my passion, but for this time in my life, it has set me free. I could sit and cry everyday, focused on loss. I do still mourn, but I mourn by directing my energy into a new life – with clarity, purpose and passion.
I am returning to happy, as we always do, when we choose it.
I am thriving because that is what my mom would want.
Here’s to the lessons we learn in our endings and the joy we experience with new beginnings,
What are your ideas for thriving through adversity and bringing back the happy? I would love to hear them.
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